Holy Week Reflections
I’m finding there’s a natural ebb and flow between denial and acceptance along our Hunter Syndrome journey. Often times I operate from ‘denial mode' out of necessity of the work that needs to be done. But the past few weeks have felt overwhelmingly heavier than usual. In retrospect, it probably started around the time of Finn’s eye issues and our brief hospital stay for testing. It was a point in this journey when fear overtook hope. It was reality check, reminding me how this ugly disease is slowly taking over my son’s body.
To be honest, all the talk about a ‘cure’ and this clinical trial carries me most days. Even though I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad way to cope, I’ve felt a shift taking place in me as I’ve let the reality of our journey sink to new depths of my soul. There’s something beautifully painful of sitting in the acceptance of it all. It’s also made me even more desperate for that cure.
In light of Holy Week, I’m reminded of how appropriate it is sit heaviness of my own sin. My pastor, Chris Payne, often says something like: “The good news isn’t really that good without the bad news.” I’ll be honest that it is easy for me to lose sight of my own brokenness when replacing it with busyness. I start to think I’m not that lost, that I can work hard enough or be good enough to somehow earn my way to the Cross. I significantly lessen the power of the Cross when my thinking shifts to that kind of 'soul-denial mode.’ Reality check: My soul is headed to the pits of hell without the Cross, and I’m daily in need of a Savior to save me from my turning disappointment to bitterness, resentment and anger.
Would you sit with me, even briefly, in acceptance of our need? It makes the Easter story that much sweeter.